Blue rose's orange sky
by xkaiistarx
Summary: His voice wobbles and breaks, all at once. It hurt, it hurt. She was gone. V route. Ray/MC. Day 10 spoilers. Part 2 of the 장추 trilogy.


x

The lights are off. That's the first thing he notices when he pries open the ornate door, taking small unsteady steps towards the empty bed. The air still smells of flowers, and when he stumbles closer he glimpses the crinkled bouquet lying on the bed. It was starting to wilt, scent sickeningly sweet and cloying, providing a false comfort of bygone days.

"Why did you leave?" He mumbles to the emptiness, mint eyes downcast and pained. It sinks in then; the haze that had clouded his mind the entire day, and suddenly his chest was aching, head pounding as he heaves dry air and struggles to breathe.

She was gone, and he was back to a reality cruel enough to tear him apart.

He collapses onto her bed in a pitiful ball, fingers clutching the mattress as he curls up and gasps. The sheets were cool and untouched; yet another reminder that she was no longer here. He had never felt so miserable in his entire life. The one person in life whom he treasured, whom he thought an undeserving man like himself could earn the affections of.

Gone, gonegonegone- taken away and _it hurts_.

A low moan leaves his throat, and with a belated breath he realises he is crying, tears dripping sloppily sideways down his cheeks as he buries his nose into the bed, lungs desperate to catch the fading remnants of her scent.

 _Don't go where I can't follow._

"I hate it." His whisper cracks as he heaves and shudders, heels digging into the foot of the bed in a failed attempt to ground himself. "I hate it that he tricked you and took you away." Chattering teeth bites down harshly as he shakes, and Ray tastes blood as he swallows, the grief-stricken face of his saviour when he found her still fresh and raw in his mind. "It's all because of him, it's all his fault, everything is his fault…"

He hates them all, a voice in the midst of his pounding head and thumping heart sings, hates how they threatened and detract him from doing what was right, for Mint Eye and its goals. Groaning he pushes those thoughts away. "That's not true." They were only misguided, and forgiveness was a virtue. When the time comes…

He prays he will be forgiven for breaking that bond of trust.

"I thought," He exhales a shaky puff of air, mint eyes brimming with more unshed tears. "I thought, that things were starting to be okay. I thought I could finally be happy…" Perhaps it was his punishment. Perhaps he was never meant to grasp such happiness, hold someone so bright and warm.

His fingers fumble, pressing carefully against his coat pocket as the nausea leaves his body. It crinkles; a fragile little thing, and when he pulls it out to cup it in his hands the wisp of a faraway scent soothes him into a distant memory. In the dark, he can see no colour, but he presses his lips against dried petals anyway, clings to a hope he wants to see become true more than anything.

 _I miss you._

x

x

" _Why are you here?" She was standing by the curtains of the window, tone subdued as she shifts away from him. The bouquet of roses lies neatly on the bed, untouched. "I don't want to see you." A murmur directed to the stone pavement below. It stung, and he swallows the glass shards that lump in his throat._

" _Please don't treat me like that… I'll be sad if you do, I-" He licks his lips, fingers fidgeting, pushing down the despair of something forever lost. "I'm sorry. I never wanted to lose your trust. I never wanted to make you hate me, make you unhappy. I'm sorry, I'm sorry."_

 _The air holds for a moment, and then:_

"… _What do you want, Ray?" He perks up at the soft defeat in her voice. She finally turns to face him, and part of him both aches and delights at the sight of her eyes. Her attention was on him, but the usual light in her eyes was dimmed and guarded, mouth pursed as she nods but quietly refutes his timid prodding._

 _It is a long time before she takes the blindfold from his outstretched hands._

 _Things weren't the same, but he would gladly make amends for that, for as long as it took. Things weren't the same, but he would do it all over again, if only to relive the smiles she gave him._

 _It was almost unbearable to guide her down to the saviour's quarters; gloved fingers gingerly holding hers as they ascend the last flight of stairs. Her stiffness at his quiet coaxing and encouragement and the subtle clench of her fingers around his when her feet knocks into the step's blunt ledges sends fluttering pangs through his chest. How could two people be so close yet feel so far apart?_

" _The saviour is a nice person. You will like her, I'm sure." He retracts his hand when they reach their destination. Lightly he runs his fingers to undo the blindfold, brushing her tangled locks away from the fabric as she shifts to rub her eyes. Behind them, a door clicks shut. "She's been looking forward to meeting you for some time now."_

 _They were close, but he does not notice until she tilts her head to squint at him, knuckles brushing his palm as she lifts her hand to tuck her hair back before moving out of his shadow. It should shock him; how easily they gravitate toward each other, unconscious of proximity in the most mundane fashion until it was suddenly not. But their minds were distracted, and his heart hard-pressed to seek aid and advice from his saviour._

 _He thinks he sees tears under the chandelier light, but footsteps echo from within the parlour, and then she was looking away, cautious and afraid. Things happen too fast too quickly, and then he was being made to leave._

 _Desperation flares when he spies the alarm on her face, like broken elixir shards threatening to choke him mute. No, no he wasn't done trying to make amends yet. He hadn't even started. She can't leave now-_

" _Ray?" He sees the warring distrust in her eyes, stare mired with uncertainty as she glances back and forth between him and the saviour. "Can't he stay?"_

" _I'm afraid not. We all have duties to fulfil, and I have much to talk to you about." The saviour smiles, green eyes glinting underneath her mask. "Don't worry. If you stay here, you will both get plenty of time to talk together soon."_

" _Yes." He scrambles to wipe the mounting apprehension away. "I do have things to take care of so I…" The room was starting to stifle, his saviour watching them expectantly. "Well, it's time for me to go."_

 _A tender smile; one meant to reassure, one she does not return. It was understandable. Everything was his fault; he only wished he had time to remedy that, remedy everything._

"… _Take care of yourself." Even now she still would not look at him properly, but he hears her worry all the same, and the thought was a fleeting warmth he refuses to let go off as he heads back outside. She still cares for him, so it couldn't be, it couldn't be…_

" _Yes, do take care." The voice of his saviour echoes after him as the doors closed and the warm light of the inner quarters evaporates._

 _That is the last he sees of her._

x

x

"Ray." Her voice, tinted with exhaustion, was quiet through the receiver. She had taken to calling his name ever since the emergence of his persona, and he is not sure if the assurance was meant for him or her. He feels ashamed to ask. He knows better to ask. "It's you. I don't want to fight anymore but, I'm glad…"

"I, yes… Thank god, you are still picking up." Strange; this moment of clarity, the calm before the storm. "You know, I was so scared a moment ago that I wouldn't get to talk to you, wouldn't get the chance to say something important."

"Important? That's different." He hears her scoff -mild and tired-, allows himself to feel the turmoil that formed from her decision on her behalf. All he gets is the sweet sting of betrayal and conflicting emotion.

"Ah, well… The weather is nice today. So I wanted to talk to you."

"You sound different. …Ray?"

"I wanted to tell you." His fingers tap in rapid succession and hit the enter key. A loading bar fills up slowly in decimals, one he watches slowly, swallowing the lump in his throat.

There hadn't been elixir shards stuck within him for a long time.

"The past few days I spent with you has been like a dream. It really felt the happiest time in my life. Talking with you, being with you… It may be- no, it is selfish of me, but I don't regret it." He smiles, though he knows she cannot see. "I don't regret bringing you here. I don't regret trusting you. Even if-" His breath hitches; he laughs it off, chuckles trembling as he holds composure. The green bar was halfway full. "E-Even if it was only for a short while, I… I just wanted you to know. I will cherish the times we have."

"…I told you before, didn't I?" She laughs, self-deprecatingly, tainted with an echo of genuine tenderness. "Those were happy times for me too. That… that hasn't changed. You are still important to me."

Hearing that was more than enough to coax the ghost of a smile onto his face.

"Thank you, thank you for entrusting your smiles to me. Your happiness… is more than I could wish for. It won't be long now."

"Why," She was alert now, frantic tones of urgency slipping into her voice. "Why does this sound like a goodbye?"

"…I miss you. Do you remember? I used to say those words all the time, every time we were far apart. Even after I just visited you, thoughts of you will always come back. I always wanted to chat more. I wanted to see you." _I wasn't lonely with you._

"W-Wait, Ray. Wait a minute-"

"But in the end we couldn't. This is my punishment isn't it? My fault that you aren't here anymore, and now this feeling that I'm going to lose…"

"Wait, wait! I, I don't understand." Her voice was panicked, rising in volume as her breathing hitched. He shoulders on, unwilling to stop because if he does he knows he won't be able to hide the tremor that continues to build within his throat.

"It is a useless dream, but I use to think… we could have lived happily in that place together. Held hands and danced and grow all the flowers you loved, all the anemones you hold dear. Maybe… maybe even kissed, like what couples do." He remembers now; the bunch of anemones he had gathered for her before, colours and meanings all different from the sorrowful betrayal he used to know. Colours and meanings he was willing to accept; because of her.

He does not remember where they have gone.

"Ray please…" She was crying, he could hear. His chest ached at the sound.

"You are truly… a good person. Dear... you are too good for me."

"N-No, no I'm not. No, I'm not! Ray? Ray you are scaring me. Please, why are you saying this…!?"

"Thank you, for bearing with me all this time. Look at me, sounding so pathetic. I-"

"I want to see you!" Her voice cries out, stunning him into silence. "I want… I want…" She heaves raggedly, and the broken sound finally pulls him back to reality, to the awareness of the warm trickles down his cheek and the fully loaded green bar on the monitor screen.

Ray breathes, forces his frozen fingers to press commands into the keys. His sight blurs, and he abandons it entirely, presses his hand over his eyes as he tries to steady his breathing. He wished he could touch her, wrap his arms around her shaking frame to offer her comfort. But even the first step of his amends was unneeded. After all, she already has someone else to hold her.

"Don't go where I can't follow. Not like this… It's still not too late. There's still so much to talk about! Not yet, not yet…"

"I," A hard swallow. "I want to see you too." _So, so much._ He chuckles, voice wobbly and broken. "I… I pray only for your happiness. If God could grant me one I wish… I, I won't ask you to remember me. You can even forget all of this if it hurts too much. I just want you to be happy, always."

"You know that's a tall order, Ray." She was laughing with him now, desperate amid her tears. "…Don't go."

"My first and last love," His tongue savours the gentle implications of the word, sears the muffled gasp of air on the other end into his memory. All those times he begged her to stay, and now he was finally letting go. If he cannot make her happy, then- "Please, go on living with a smile."

x

x

The phone falls from his lap, screen blank and still warm.

Outside the sky was turning orange, blue expanse tainted with sunset flairs. She had tried to grasp those very last rays before, hadn't she? Tried in vain to reach something someone as unwanted and scorned by the world like him could never comprehend.

He remembers; he remembers everything about her.

Alone in the control room, Ray closes his eyes. Ignores the green lines of code flashing rapidly on the screens. He thinks of the orange rose tucked beneath his lapel, petals muted against the bright blue that was his own. A desire for love turned unattainable.

It hurt, it hurt.

x

x

"...I think, I love you." Her voice echoes one-sidedly through the line, unheard and unanswered.

x

x

The garden burns. The very air crackles, alight in golden hue as bright as the sun. Petals and ash fly in flurries onward to the night sky, like sparks of a firework igniting in their full glory.

Orange disappearing into blue.

...

x

* * *

A/N.

The most tragic thing about both Ray and MC (in the normal/good ends at least) is that though they may care for each other genuinely, they have never been able to reach each other through their own words and connect their fundamental way of thinking and ideals. (And to the very end, both chose their morals and ideals over the other.)

As much as I enjoy and fascinate over them and their parallels to V/Rika (I can go on and on about this messy pseudo love square), I personally think saeran/mc could never work out healthily/properly in v route, especially since there's a lot of manipulation and heavy dependency issues. You cannot build a relationship on a foundation of lies.

hnng angst is suffering.

orange roses are the result of genetic breeding of yellow and red roses and is seen as a bridge between friendship symbolized by yellow roses and love represented by red roses. they can also mean enthusiasm and fascination, which parallels Ray's eagerness and both their curious feelings for each other. also, it is indicative of the all-consuming _fire_ of passion and desire hAA-


End file.
